Cracks consumed me. I struggled to hold the pieces together. To feel whole again. But then I stopped. I stopped trying so hard to be "fixed" I just let the tide carry me out to sea. It is my home after all...my thighs touch therefore I am one step closer to being a mermaid.
However, I digress...I let the tide carry me away. Rather than the glue I sought for so long - I was thrown life preservers. I had the choice - I told myself "Asshole, this is it, we sink or we swim. We cannot stay here, running in circles with one foot stapled to the floor - it has become unrecognizable. Broken, bloodied. We need to be whole again, but not repaired but to be rejuvenated, revived, born again. To fly with our own wings - they have fought so hard to be free. To be filled like Kintsugi - to fill our cracks with gold."
We are swimming, we can see the shore. My inner goddess and I. We are headed there, but rather than drowning along the way, we are splashing among the waves. We are listening to the winged whales song. We are one with the ocean. She is one with us. The water is warm, it is OK for you to come in too. In fact please do. Please join us as we explore the depths of her bounty, and break the surface, soaking in the salty air. Build with me a boat from the things we find tossed among the waves. We shall set sail, destination unknown, but not the shore in which we came from...somewhere new, somewhere warm, somewhere where the salt kisses our skin, and the sand covers us in a fine layer of armor. Some days, I might still drift back to the sea, and maybe sink a little. But it is merely exploration, if I sink too deep - please do not fear my depth. I might need rescuing, I might just need you to bring me up for air. Trust that I will not let myself drown. I will make my way back - as one cannot hold their breath and hope to stay alive. One cannot return to the depths in which held us under. We can only explore the new expanses laid out before us. We have new things to discover, we have territory left uncharted, we will encounter storms. But they will only weather our sails, they will not break us.
I close my eyes and listen to the waves crashing against the rocks, and tossing up her sandy stage. She is every changing, ever evolving yet with the same rhythm of my heart. We beat as one. She is me, I am her. I am free.