22.

where does one begin when it comes to loss sometimes the words are easy sometimes there are no words this day is a day for true reflection i reflected this morning on just how many birthdays had passed last year i said 20...i was wrong. last year was 22. this year it is 23 i promise i am really better at math than that. you died just before 50... in 1993 here we stand in 2015 you would have been 72. my oh my i cannot help but think about how much i alone have changed in the 22 years that you have been gone. i was nothing more than a child no longer a child now an adult with a child of my own i sit here an attempt to wax poetic yet i find i have no words to say i am in a place i do not want to be today today i want to be in an "us" place a place where we stood together a place where i can feel you like the wind where you encompass me in your spirit as it moves through the trees where i can feel the sun on my face the rain on my skin the tug on my heart our hearts know not the answers for grief there is no timeline for healing there are no words we find solace in the little things sadness in them too i seek answers i seek reasons yet i know there are none who would i be had you not left us all those years ago where would i be where would we all be your loss is in the fabric we are all woven from as look back at the words that have come before on the days such as this i want to say them all again they ring as true today as they did last year and the year before maybe i haven't changed at all only aged tears have begun to fall like the Oregon autumn i know not when they will subside i cry for you i cry for me i cry for us today i only seek solace laughter memories yet in this life there is little time for reflection little time to reminisce no strolls down memory lane we are far too busy but today i will take as many moments as i can to remember our adventures the years are the same for us all yet the experience so different for me it has been a lifetime here's to you sir i shall raise a glass to you this evening i shall dance through the living room our waltz to our song i hear it in my heart all the days of my life thank you thank you for the memories thank you for the birthdays of yours of mine of ours that we did get to share

#lifetypestuff #love #loss #family